This is 2020, huh? We all left 2019 behind feeling cautiously optimistic that after a few years of hell, THIS was finally going to be our year. Then COVID-19 aka Corona Virus happened and the universe did a collective face palm.
So now you are doing the following: “sheltering in place,” “self-quarantine,” “social distancing,” or straight up under “quarantine” and you see that you don’t have enough milk, protein, or eggs to get you through this. You can’t go to the store, or your store is sold out. Maybe you were in between shopping trips or pay days when this happened, or maybe your whole neighborhood lost their fucking minds and bought everything and left the rest of you high and dry.
I am hoping that you’ve got some oatmeal in the back of your cupboard that has been there for who knows how long, or you are able to make a few purchases from Amazon–because if you are then I have a few ideas to help you get through. Sorry guys, there will be no help here for toilet paper but I have read that crumbled up newspaper will get the job done. Time to raid your recycling bins…
Have you run out of milk or avoiding the store all together? Have rolled oats buried somewhere in your cupboard or pantry like most people? Well that oatmeal you swore you’d eat but never did is now going to become milk! How to make oatmilk. All you need is rolled oats, water, and a blender. We’ve made oat milk a few times and it is probably the best non-dairy milk option for non-plant based people in terms of flavor. Oat milk is outrageously creamy and lacks the affected flavor that soy milk has. This is my plan for when the kids cow milk and my soy milk runs out.
Super easy to make DIY Oatmilk 
Unsweetened Original and Chocolate Oatmilk. Yum!
Were you unable to get your hands on beans or much by way of protein sources before the stores ran out? There is nothing like an emergency for the entire world to suddenly decide that beans are good enough for them to eat. Now is your time to enter the world of delicious and nutritious WHEAT MEAT. Wheat meat is one of my favorite treats and every few months I’ll make a big batch and freeze it by the pound. I’ll pull it out when I’m getting tired of beans and tofu or if we want some meaty finger food for a cheese board during game night.
One serving of seitan (aka wheat meat) contains the following:
- Calories: 104
- Protein: 21 grams
- Selenium: 16% of the RDI
- Iron: 8% of the RDI
- Phosphorus: 7% of the RDI
- Calcium: 4% of the RDI
- Copper: 3% of the RDI
Fortunately the core ingredients that most non-plant based people don’t typically have in their pantry are still relatively affordable and available in short time on Amazon.
You’ll need Vital Wheat Gluten and Nutritional Yeast Flakes, anything else by way of flavor is just extra. You can season wheat meat any way you’d like. The most common recipies use a soy sauce based simmer broth (time to pull out that drawer of soy sauce take out packets you always thought you’d use!) and some of the more upgraded recipies use broth as the core flavoring; this can be chicken or beef flavor.
Get Vital Wheat Gluten from this seller on amazon by the end of the week, 4 lbs for $15 will get you a decent amount! When wheat meat cooks, it doubles up in size and the high protein count means a little goes a long way.
Nutritional yeast is a great seasoning and used in many plant based recipes and it is essential, in my opinion, for perfect Seitan. Same seller and fulfilled by Amazon. 1 lb for $13 and it will last you forever, more or less, you can even use it with some steamed potatoes and carrots to make the most delicious nacho cheese ever… I would literally eat that cheese with a spoon.
Keep in mind that the sky is the limit in terms of adding flavor to seitan. Instead of boiling in broth, you can also wrap in foil and air fry, steam, or bake. All methods provide slightly different textures. Boiled seitan will be chewy, while air fried, steamed and baked will be more firm.
Here is a very simple, beginners seitan recipe.
Ingredients
- Dough:
- 1 cup vital wheat gluten
- 3 tablespoons nutritional yeast
- 1/2 cup vegetable broth
- 1/4 cup liquid amino acid (such as Bragg(R))
- 1 tablespoon olive oil
- 1 1/2 teaspoons minced garlic
- Cooking Broth:
- 4 cups vegetable broth
- 4 cups water
- 1/4 cup tamari
Directions
- Stir vital wheat gluten, nutritional yeast, 1/2 cup vegetable broth, liquid amino acid, olive oil, and garlic in a bowl until ingredients come together into a ball. Knead ball until dough has a rubbery texture. Divide dough into 3 equal pieces and shape into 1/2-inch thick patties.
- Bring 4 cups vegetable broth, water, and tamari to a boil in a large pot. Carefully place patties into boiling broth; cover pot and return to a boil. Set lid slightly askew to vent steam and reduce heat to low. Continue simmering patties until firm, turning patties occasionally, about 1 hour. Remove pot from heat and set lid aside. Allow patties to cool in broth for 15 minutes before serving.
TVP is a great way to replace ground meat.
If you are overwhelmed by diving in with Seitan, you can always fall back on TVP (Textured Vegetable Protein) and it is also still available with quick shipping on Amazon at a reasonable price. According to my area, it would be here within Amazon Prime’s 2 day shipping window.
Here is a step by step guide on how to use and cook TVP, because why re-invent the wheel when someone has already perfected it?
Now lets talk about the fact that you eat eggs every day and you are now out. Your world is crumbling around you as you realize that you need eggs to bake that box of cake mix in the cupboard, or to make french toast, or to batter the meat you are about to fry up. Surprise, you don’t need eggs to do a lot of these things! In our house, when baking we swap eggs for applesauce. When battering we use flax seed powder (it keeps in a jar in the fridge or freezer for forever) also available on amazon as the vital wheat gluten and nutritional yeast through the same seller, Anthony’s Goods.
Also, can we just all say THANK YOU to Anthony’s Goods for not jacking up the prices during these times like all the other assholes on Amazon? THANK YOU!
Now you have a plan during these semi-quarantine times to replace the milk, protein, and eggs you weren’t able to get or buy enough of before all hell broke out. And who knows…maybe you’ll keep these meatless options in your life after this all passes?
The Minimal Geek 